Dating is an activity that almost all of us will experience at some point in our lives: and for most of us it is both exhilarating and nerve-whacking. Yet when one adds Dyspraxia to the equation, then dating can become a mind field of confusion and despair.
So why is Dyspraxia and Dating two things which when together cause such trouble? Why do we struggle with dating? And is there anything which we can do to improve our odds of dating.
Quick Note On Writing This Article.
Before I get into the meat of this article, there is something that I would like to be honest about. This being that when it comes to dating, I am not the best at it: not by a long shot.
The reason why I am revealing this is because in most of the articles that I have written up to now, I have been able to write from a position of expertise. So if you have read my previous articles, then I am not saying that I am as funny as a stand up comedian or as strategic as a militant strategist or business leader. Yet I do have prior knowledge on these subjects.
Yet when it comes to dating, this will be as equally baffling for me as it maybe for you. Therefore the knowledge that I aim to provide will be from what I have mainly researched online and so I can't guarantee if it is correct or not.
Having said that, let's get into the heart of this article's subject.
Why Does Dyspraxia Make Dating So Hard
So how can being Dyspraxic make dating such a hard process? Well there are many reasons for this, but the first is our issues with picking up on non-verbal cues. If you have read my previous article 'Dyspraxia In Adults' you’d recall how one issue that a lot of us have is difficulty in reading non verbal cues.
With regards to dating, these non verbal cues can come across as either taking things literally or not picking up on consistencies. Now I have highlighted the last part in italics as when on a date, a lot of it requires picking up on non-verbal communication. As such one partner may consistently communicate something across to one non-verbally. Yet as we don't pick up on it, we won't get what they are trying to say. As such the other partner will think we are just being ignorant.
Another issue which we may face with regards to non-verbal cues is that we might not understand how our date wants to progress things forward. Therefore we'd be more likely to end up making foolish mistakes like saying the wrong thing or thinking she (or he) is ready to progress things to the next level in the relationship when really they weren't.
Beyond struggling with not being able to read non-verbal cues, many of us Dyspraxics will also have difficulties with dating due to issues like speech, language and eye movements. Also the way some of us move can be quite awkward. These factors in themselves can have an impact on our date who if unaware of Dyspraxia may think that we are odd or worse still, that the whole date may be some practical joke at her (or his) expense.
Is It Worth Telling Our Date About Our Dyspraxia?
Browsing through the Dyspraxia Facebook Groups, I came across this recent post left by a Dyspraxic member who said that he had been on a few dates with this woman and was wondering when (if at all) he should reveal he has Dyspraxia. Naturally this got me wondering as to with regards to Dyspraxia, when is the best time to actually tell a date if you have Dyspraxia..
To be honest I don’t believe I have an answer to this question for it largely depends on several factors; one of these being if you believe that your Dyspraxia is going to have an impact on any future relationship that you may have with this person. Also one needs to also take into account the type of person that you are dating; do you believe that she or he is going to be receptive to you if they discover that you have Dyspraxia?
Then you can subsequently ask whether you would want to be in a relationship with anybody who, on finding out that you have Dyspraxia, would not want anything to do with you? Unfortunately there are some very shallow people out there who are looking for Mr or Mrs Perfect to reflect their own insecure image. And if you reveal that you have Dyspraxia, many of these people will automatically look on it as being imperfect and so not want anything to do with you (romantically at least); despite the Advantages Of Dyspraxia.
Ultimately it is up to you if and when you decide to tell your date if you have Dyspraxia; I am by no means the authority on the subject of dating; especially when it comes to Dyspraxia as well. Yet I would recommend that when you feel the time is right, you mention it. Although I wouldn’t mention it at the very start of your first date for that would make it seem to your date that your Dyspraxia is a big part of you. And as such it may make your date rightfully think if there is a problem with it that she may have to take on as well if she (or he) does decide to pursue a date with you!
I am not saying this as if Dyspraxia is necessarily a bad thing but if the moment you sit down on your first date you spill out all the issues with regards to your Dyspraxia, it may cause the other person to feel overwhelmed and question whether you’d be the right person to be with. Yet whether your first date goes well enough that you feel you can open up about your Dyspraxia (or it be the second, third, fourth, fifth, etc) date is completely up to you.
Unfortunately I cannot say when it is best, that is up to you. Yet what I will suggest is that when you do decide to open up about it, try not to make a big deal out of it (not in one go anyhow). And if your potential date does decide to turn your down, then don’t take it out on yourself. Instead be grateful that you have just avoided a relationship with a nasty piece of work (personally I call anyone who prejudices someone for a disability that they have; whether it be visible or not a nasty piece of work).
Yet as I am no dating expert, I cannot really say much beyond this. So I’d like to conclude by saying that if you are about to go on a date or just being on a date or two with a particular person, then I wish you luck when it comes to telling your partner about your Dyspraxia. Though I do advise that you do for if you keep quiet about it, then it only comes out in some other way further along in the relationship!
Anyhow if you like to know more about Dyspraxia, including the strengths of having Dyspraxia, I recommend you read my book ‘Dyspraxia: How To Thrive As An Adult’ by Alex Gadd. You can find that by clicking here.
Else if you would like to be in a group of fellow Dyspraxics and find more information on this disability, then why not join the Dyspraxia Support Group on Facebook.